Saturday, August 8, 2015

My Vow.....


     Still making progress and learning new things about myself and my body.  I have this thing called Raynaud's-it's when the tips of your fingers, or even a good portion of your hand, turn white and tingle or go numb when exposed to cold.  It can also happen when you are under extreme stress.  Up until recently I only had it happen when I was cold, especially during the winter.  Didn't matter how much I bundled up and that I usually wear 2 pairs of gloves, my right hand in particular would always be affected.  And this from only being outside for a few minutes!  Now it doesn't hurt, but it is a rather odd sensation, like your finger has gone to sleep and you lose feeling in it until it starts to wake back up and then it gets all tingly.  For the first time I had it happen due to stress, and I never want to go down that road again! It was so much worse! It was all over family issues.  I don't want to go into full details about it, and I don't think that would be right to my family.  But I will say that usually I'm guilted into things by my mother.  I was under so much emotional stress, crying my eyes out, and just generally feeling miserable about a particular situation that both my hands turned almost completely white and I was so very cold.  I was shaking, my stomach hurt and so did my head.  I was physically ill for two days.  And I vowed to myself that I would never let my family do that to me again.  Why should I feel guilty about not inviting someone, or not agreeing with something, just for the sake of my mother being happy?  Yes I can tolerate people and be civil without having to bend over backwards.  I can keep the peace.  But I will not allow her to guilt me into going beyond keeping the peace for her happiness.  If I don't like someone, why should I invite them anywhere?  Why can't seeing them at family functions and being civil be enough?  Our family is a little dysfunctional, as I'm sure lots of others are.  I'm just not going to let that dysfunction make me sick and stressed out any more!  I have to start taking care of myself.  

    Anyways...I wanted to share a little piece I did for a cousin who was getting married.  I made this for her wedding shower present.

It was a lot of fun, lots of layers and splatters. Around the Meant and the Be is sparkling paint which may not have picked up very well in the photo. I think the You & Me part is my favorite.  

Everyone at the shower loved it, especially the recipient.  And that is what truly makes me happy.  I love making things for others and seeing their happiness.  Art can bring such joy into peoples lives.  

Now if only I could find some extra time to start making somethings for myself, then that would make me happier still!  I'm always doing it for someone else, but when it comes to a piece that I want to do for my house, I find it hard to make the time.  A habit I'm trying to break...I have a canvas that I started ages ago and still haven't finished.  I made an art journal in a workshop taught my Mary Beth Shaw and Seth Apter.  I've been trying to make pages in there as a way to help break my habit. I only have one completed page and 3 others half finished.  And that was started in May!  Oh well, slow progress is still progress....